Smiles and Tears

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble" ~ Helen Keller


I am a very humble person. I rarely speak of myself, and it sometimes renders me cripplingly speechless when attention is given that I don't think I deserve. Well...this past weekend took me beyond any of that. I was moved to tears several times in one day, because the strength of those around me helped me find strength in myself.

I overcame a HUGE milestone, that I was quite honestly prepared to fail...

This triathlon has challenged me mentally and physically for months, and this past weekend was no different. My fellow athletes and I were to meet on Saturday morning for a simulated, non timed triathlon. The purpose of which was for you to see how far you've come, and know what you need to work on in the coming weeks leading to the race.

If you read my last blog entry, you know I was quite psyched out about this. The whole morning leading into it, I was almost silent, but internally struggling and on the verge of tears. Could I really do this? I calmed myself the best I could, and decided to take it one step at a time.

Step one - Swim

• I jumped in the pool, and hesitated at kick off. I took a deep breath, and away I went. Before I knew it, I was at the end of the pool, and didn't even realize I was done. It was the FIRST time I had completed my swim.

Step two - Bike

• I transitioned, regrouped, found my mentor, and on the road I went...and went...and went some more.  I started to feel like I was flying. Then came the hill. I let it get to me, but that's ok. I KEPT going. I even found gears on my bike that I previously didn't know how to use. I made it to the end!

Step three - Run

• I transitioned once more,  grabbed my gatoraide, and took off. My back was tight, my calves were screaming...but I could NOT stop moving. I tried to run, and the mobility was almost not there...but I had to keep going. I walked...and walked...and walked. Including two of my best girlfriends, there were so many encouraging faces offering support along the way. It was almost overwhelming. Before I knew it...I started hearing cowbells. I looked up and could SEE the finish line. I HAD to start jogging...their spirits were lifting me.  My team had stayed and was heading toward me to cheer me the rest of the way...and then it happened.

          I raised my hands, and I FINISHED.

I am overwhelmed. If this was just a practice, I cannot wait to see what the full event brings. I didn't think for a moment that I was ready to do this, but my flame has been lit from the inside and I want my light to shine.

I WILL do THIS!  

It has been truly amazing and my heart is full of joy.

Sink or Swim!

Please excuse the following rant, but I've been fairly positive up until this point!

As far as the triathlon is concerned, I am by no means the most amazing swimmer. I go to training, I learn a lot, I do my best. It's been kind of fun. Well, up until last night...I really don't know what it was, but I swam like crap! Maybe it was my first time in my new suit, or maybe it was the amazingly huge new pool and swim location...who knows?!?!?

No matter how hard I tried, I could not get a good rhythm going. I had floppy froggy legs, my arms didn't want to extend, I wasn't rolling enough to breathe AND I realized I've been holding my breath under water instead of breathing out. Ugh. It was seriously awkward.

I know I'm my own worst critic, and I really am too hard on myself sometimes, but last night, in the pool...I was one stroke away from quitting. Then I got mad at myself for thinking that, and it made me feel worse!

I stayed in the water at the edge of the pool and watched the other women swimming and cheering, and I silently wondered what in the heck made me think I could do this! Ugh. It was not one of my finest moments.

The smile and enthusiasm of one very patient mentor made my evening. She slowed me down, brought me back to the basics, and gave me a lot to think about. I really have come a long way.

Tomorrow is our 'mock triathlon.' It's the chance to put all of our training together. I'm not gonna lie, I'm more then a wee bit nervous about this. But I'm going to take tonight off, relax my achy body, and whatever happens tomorrow, happens. I've come this far, and I can't let one bad experience throw me off my game...

Stupid Brain...

I Sing the Body Electric...

I sing the body electric
I glory in the glow of rebirth
Creating my own tomorrow
When I shall embody the earth...

How beautiful that song is, and how appropriate the lyrics for my current presence in life. I feel my body changing. I feel myself changing. Little by little...it is kind of amazing how much this is affecting me. All of me, and so much for the positive!

Although I allow myself indulgences, my food choices are improving...I am more cheerful and playful. I feel a bit less self conscious. No matter how sore I am, I know it's because I'm awakening muscles that rarely get used. My clothes are fitting better. I'm smiling more, and it all feels so good!

I'm still quite a bit apprehensive, but I've had some breakthrough training moments here recently. My swimming is finding it's stride. My legs are more confident on my ride, and I walk a bit further and faster with each work out. I find myself needing less recovery time, which I know means I'm building endurance.

The support I'm receiving is overwhelming. So many people have confidence in me that I am only starting to find in myself....I'm beginning to feel the light again, and it warms my heart.

And in time, we will all be stars...